POOL BRAIN
Mirame 1 (Photo credit: Koen Cobbaert)
Inexhaustible… my mind is supposed to be such a pool – yours too for that matter. Strange thought when it feels like saw dust where my brain should be – I said that yesterday and it’d seem today has not yet seen any improvement. It is not a legitimate feeling – I know – so it is no big deal.
Anyway… How many random thoughts do you have every day? Personally, I have too many to keep count or track… in the end, however, I forget most of them which means that none were worth my attention – had I paid any. Hmm… I do hope that – by now – you are well-aware that this is a self-inflicted lie. I don’t forget what’s important even if I wish I would sometimes. All – and I do mean ALL my thoughts come back in one form or another until they end up on a blog post or a story. All of them look random but none are, which is a bit scary actually… but it is part of the sorting process.
Here is a so-called random thought that has been bugging me for weeks:
I have to write an essay about "The many faces of love" by comparing or putting in parallel two books that I have read... it turns out to be a more difficult task than I anticipated; not only that, I find the subject uninspiring (although I am the one who chose it, thinking it could be fun) which might be a potential problem...
Contradiction: if it was random, I would have forgotten already. Then again, this is not just a thought but an assignment, which means that my thoughts are not the only ones involved… external factors and participants are as well. Random – no but yes, because it has been nagging at me in the midst of all the other ones trying to get out of my head… at the same time.
Facing such a pool of inexhaustible thoughts, therefore potential subjects to talk about, how do I pick? Randomly? That is another constant, which – as previously stated – is not random. Thoughts are like fruits or wine (you chose) that need to mature into ideas, even if the latter is expressed with one word. Sometimes they come out just like that, some other times they have to be turned round and round, pulled from under layers of saw dust for them to make some kind of sense… get to the core.
SELFISH COMPULSION
Writing is a compulsion, almost like a disorder for if I do not do it, I’ll feel strangely empty. Every morning, I start typing then I erase until one word remains… after that, I build around that word. Today’s word was INEXHAUSTIBLE… but I didn’t plan on saying something meaningful; I didn’t plan on catching your attention… how disappointing, right… ultimately, all I did was answering a selfish need: to write.
Göran Edman (Swedish singer), when I asked for whom he was singing - said to me: "I am singing for me."
So, if I don’t write for you my faithful readers, why do I put it out there? Do you know? I have to pause for a second and consider this matter…
The answer to the question WHY… I suppose that it is another contradiction for I – of course – write to be read, whether it’d be in private (at home) or in public (in the “blogosphere” out in the Internet galaxy)… I write to be read… who doesn’t? The reason behind the want and/or need to be read is yet another discussion; but more generally speaking, one creates to show to others… show what and why… your guess is as good as mine.
If you think of it, this is in itself one of the most selfish reasons to do something. Artistry is no selfless matter, whatever one expresses, it is not for oneself. As long as one puts something out there for the world to see, it becomes selfish yet it is not necessarily a negative thing.
When “boredom” is the word I have to build around
- Read BOREDOM on Clairepeek’s Creative Writing
- Is plan A not the real world?
– Not as long as it has not become real.
