Conceptual concept

English: Screenshot of The Mad Hatter from the trailer for the film Alice in Wonderland. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know not to whom I am talking nor of what I am babbling on and on… nonsense, or rather nonsensical bursts of words need sometime to be put down in order to remain sane, that is to say “mad as a hatter” of course.

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It is said that no matter what happens in life, there is a meaning with everything… not seeing – or not wanting to see – does not make it any less of a reality. But then – saying “hello” to my favorite doctrine-ers of the Wakefield here – what kind of a reality are we referring to? This is a conceptual concept that has to be true no matter your reality…

The concept of reality pushes one to the limits of ones sanity when trying to figure out the whys, whats and whats-not: but even then I’ll think as I choose fit for my comfort which might put anyone else in an uncomfortable train of thoughts. Comfort for the uncomfortable has to come through your comfort zone, get out and then expend the un-comfort to comfort again. There is of course no end to this because whether your reality is better than mine – or vice versa – none is really right or wrong for none holds any universal truth. In other words the mind has nothing to do with mathematics.

Truth, realities and beliefs… nothing of what you say matters to me the way it does to you; but that is all right although I do not share any of your angles, or you mine, we always meet on a common ground of tolerance and acceptance. Understanding without changing drastically in someone else is what makes us unique. Therefore I do not care for what you put it because we’re different, which makes it all the more interesting and enjoyable to listen to you.

The conceptual concept of being different just for the sake of it is but an illusion; we are who we are and we cannot help being different because it is in our nature. Uncontrollably we push one another towards normality to reach this small patch of green grass that we understand according to our own sets of rules; or so we think we do… by the way, your green patch is greener than mine so “we wants it”… “my precious…” tssss tssss tssss!

We desperately want to be normal and belong to a group that, by definition, is defined by the same properties… yet, we thrive to be different and scream our souls out that we need to be who we are: one of kind. The illusions that realities are and define… this makes no sense, but in many ways, you might find some bits and pieces that might be of some interest to you.

Everything happens for a reason… easier said than done would say some of my friends. In my reality, no matter how harsh a given situation has become, there must be a meaning behind it or everything else would be pointless. Brent Smith from Shinedown sings it better than I’d ever write it “If there were nothing wrong, there wouldn’t be anything right” (© Shinedown 2008 – “What a shame” – Album: The Sound of Madness).

This is a conceptual concept of the mind which has to be true no matter our reality… what about those who refuse to accept it? Are they not missing something?

I suppose that the word missing is also subject to subjectivity and one could debate its meanings… maybe those who are missing something are in the right and are, in fact, not missing anything… there is no truth but truths but told we might never hear the end of them for they are as numerous as there are souls on this planet. And yet, I hold no truth of concern to any of you… just mine.

“We’re not all the same”… (© Shinedown 2008 – “What a shame” – Album: The Sound of Madness)

Just be glad about it.

A Fighting Chance for Jami

When I was little I wanted to believe – rather than really needing it - that all men, women and children were equal. There is nothing wrong with this view except that I grew up holding on to it rather than confronting the ugly truth that I was a pathetic idealist. Of course, there are exceptions – but exceptions do not the rules make.

I have a friend in Texas who is very ill. Her name is Jami Lynn Pereira and she touched me with her words. She is a poet, has an iron spirit and her kindness is truly selfless. Yesterday, I have learned that she has stage four advanced Adeno carcinoma of both lungs and it made me sad, but also angry… not at her, obviously, rather at the system… our society that preaches the equality of all… such hypocrisy!

Jami Lynn is a good person to whom bad things have happened, and are still happening. She is so sick that she cannot walk anymore, she has lost her job – her only source of income – she has used up her Health Insurance Money to get medicine for different diseases that her doctors diagnosed; now, her oncologist told her that she needed to start her treatment like yesterday, she needs also another CAT scan… she cannot have any of this without money though.

Jami is a fighter and she worked up the courage to ask for help to us, her friends but also strangers. It takes a lot of courage to admit that one needs help, and asking for it takes a lot of guts. I have to say that I am very proud of her.

“Can she not ask her family?” you’d ask. Hmm, her mother who has only a small income from social security (If I understood correctly) is probably already helping the best she can, but that might not be enough economicaly speaking.

Jami has created a page on the fundraising page Give Forward and has until June 14th 2013 April 21st 2013 to raise 10 000 USD. That is a lot of money, and yet not so much considering the cost of cancer treatment. She needs money to get a better chance to continue living, and just that fact is enough to make me jump at the wall. Health and money are two words that do not coexist well in the same sentence…

If I had the money that Jami needs, I’d give it to her in a heartbeat, but I do not. She raised 8% of the amount that is needed to pay for the treatment and she is running out of time. Three months, sorry folks but Jami hasn’t got that long after all, to raise a little less than 10 000 USD… it is doable provided that enough people find it in their hearts to give a little at a time. One could also buy her books, but the royalties would reach her next year.

Jami is a poet and a free spirit. We are a bit alike in our train of thoughts when we write. She has three books on the way, but she is too weak to finish them. I wish for her to have a fighting chance against the disease… I wish for Jami Lynn to finish writing her books… Most importantly, I wish for Jami to live on surrounded by love so that she can spread it forward even more.

Who’s going to help me help her?

Poetic Fool | http://poeticfool.com/2013/03/23/sounds-by-jami-pereira/

About the Good Things…

There is a saying that states “Good things come to those who wait”… do you not remember hearing that over and over when your life had a slow growth? I used to answer: “Yeah, yeah…” and thinking ” what the H**l do you know of my life anyway?” The truth is that this saying is actually true to its promise.

I have not been around for a while, and what’s worse, I have been kind of a Internet hermit which prevented me from keeping in touch with most of you. I have troubles with consistency outside of work. You read me right, work… this word is music to my ears after a little more than nine years without employment, the perfect opportunity knocked at my door without me lifting a finger – or at least it is how it feels. I have to explain more in details, though for that I have to recall first how I met my husband… read How my Life chose me & Why I moved to Sweden.

In September 2010, as I was studying economics in Ludvika, I got a call from the temp agency who had grown very interested in my curriculum and therefore wanted to meet with me in a group interview. I seized the opportunity, took the train to Falun, and attended the interview. Petter, the man who lead the interview, promised me that he would find me a job although he knew that at that particular moment, none would fit my profile. I went home, waited and then forgot about it.

May 2012, Petter called me to tell me that he had found me a position in a town called Leksand (1 hour 30 min drive from where I lived). He was obviously very concerned about the distance I needed to travel to go to work… anyway, I seized that opportunity too and got my husband driving me to the interview. I met Ingegerd and Emalina. I was hooked and maybe it was mutual. I started at the Company after my exams in June 2012 – as a temp. I started driving again, after 12 years… (talk about the meaning of things). Ultimately, I got hired by the company in September. I am still there and I am having the time of my life! I moved also closer to work, in Borlänge and need to drive only 45 minutes now to go to Leksand.

Do fairytales exist?… Yes, of course!

Does Santa Claus exist?… Absolutely!

Now, I have been productive though I have put the writing aside. I am writing today ’cause I do not want to finish the year without wishing you all A HAPPY NEW YEAR, may all your dreams come true in 2013.

I cannot promise I will write a lot online, I might do it offline in the notebook that my brother offered me for Christmas, on which he wrote: “for my sister who is continuing writing”. That I must therefore do… I will also take up the piano again – after more than 20 years. My free time will go on being artistic no matter what.

I got a few statistics for you guys before I leave…

Crunchy numbers

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,700 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

In 2012, there were 41 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 93 posts. There were 51 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 3 MB. That’s about 4 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was April 29th with 50 views. The most popular post that day was Depressing… Reality check.

Attractions in 2012

These are the posts that got the most views in 2012. You can see all of the year’s most-viewed posts in your Site Stats.

• 1 Europe: Bag of Bones – magic for the senses 4 comments April 2012
• 2 Normally asocial… fastoche! 18 comments April 2012
• 3 Depressing… Reality check 5 comments April 2012
• 4 New personality type: the Jonas… 9 comments April 2012
• 5 Conspiracy Theory 9 comments February 2012

Where did they come from?

That’s 62 countries in all! Most visitors came from The United States. Sweden & The United Kingdom were not far behind.

 

Randomly inexhaustible

POOL BRAIN

English: A hot pool on the Artist’s Palette, Orakei Korako, near Taupo, New Zealand. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Inexhaustible… my mind is supposed to be such a pool – yours too for that matter. Strange thought when it feels like saw dust where my brain should be – I said that yesterday and it’d seem today has not yet seen any improvement. It is not a legitimate feeling – I know – so it is no big deal.

Anyway… How many random thoughts do you have every day? Personally, I have too many to keep count or track… in the end, however, I forget most of them which means that none  were worth my attention – had I paid any. Hmm… I do hope that – by now – you are well-aware that this is a self-inflicted lie. I don’t forget what’s important even if I wish I would sometimes. All – and I do mean ALL my thoughts come back in one form or another until they end up on a blog post or a story. All of them look random but none are, which is a bit scary actually… but it is part of the sorting process.

Here is a so-called random thought that has been bugging me for weeks:

I have to write an essay about "The many faces of love" by comparing or putting in parallel two books that I have read... it turns out to be a more difficult task than I anticipated; not only that, I find the subject uninspiring (although I am the one who chose it, thinking it could be fun) which might be a potential problem...

Contradiction: if it was random, I would have forgotten already. Then again, this is not just a thought but an assignment, which means that my thoughts are not the only ones involved… external factors and participants are as well. Random – no but yes, because it has been nagging at me in the midst of all the other ones trying to get out of my head… at the same time.

Facing such a pool of inexhaustible thoughts, therefore potential subjects to talk about, how do I pick? Randomly?  That is another constant, which – as previously stated – is not random. Thoughts are like fruits or wine (you chose) that need to mature into ideas, even if the latter is expressed with one word. Sometimes they come out just like that, some other times they have to be turned round and round, pulled from under layers of saw dust for them to make some kind of sense… get to the core.

SELFISH COMPULSION

Writing is a compulsion, almost like a disorder for if I do not do it, I’ll feel strangely empty. Every morning, I start typing then I erase until one word remains… after that, I build around that word. Today’s word was INEXHAUSTIBLE… but I didn’t plan on saying something meaningful; I didn’t plan on catching your attention… how disappointing, right… ultimately, all I did was answering a selfish need: to write.

Göran Edman (Swedish singer), when I asked for whom he was singing - said to me: "I am singing for me."

So, if I don’t write for you my faithful readers, why do I put it out there? Do you know? I have to pause for a second and consider this matter…

The answer to the question WHY… I suppose that it is another contradiction for I – of course – write to be read, whether it’d be in private (at home) or in public (in the “blogosphere” out in the Internet galaxy)… I write to be read… who doesn’t? The reason behind the want and/or need to be read is yet another discussion; but more generally speaking, one creates to show to others… show what and why… your guess is as good as mine.

If you think of it, this is in itself one of the most selfish reasons to do something. Artistry is no selfless matter, whatever one expresses, it is not for oneself. As long as one puts something out there for the world to see, it becomes selfish yet it is not necessarily a negative thing.

When “boredom” is the word I have to build around

• Read BOREDOM on Clairepeek’s Creative Writing

Spring Cleaning

HAPPY WORKERS DAY

Muguet en avance (Photo credit: ouistitis)

Today – 1st of May – is Workers day… at least it is in most of Western Europe’s countries , I’d love to know how it is in your country. In France, people give a symbolic flower called Lily of the Valley or “Muguet” in French. Evidently you’d have to be a worker to get one, so I would not… It is a pretty flower, isn’t it…

DUSTING THE INNER CHAOS

It is soon the end of my “high-school level” studies, which leads me to a first appraisal on my situation. It is a self-indulgence really but it is also a good way to clear my head… you should try it sometimes.

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- What do you do for a living?

- I am nearing 40 and I am still a student… why do you ask? (smile)

- Let me rephrase that… what do you want to do when you grow up?

- Not so sure this one’s better, but plan A would be to make a living out of my constant babbling on my blog, or finally getting the spark – which has been hiding in my chest for a while – that will make me publish my short stories (and sell them obviously)… or any of my creative writing for that matter.

- What’s plan B then?

- The studies that might lead to a job in the real world…

- There is not much certainty in either plan.

- What’s your question, love?

- Is plan A not the real world?

– Not as long as it has not become real.

– Yes, obviously… which world does plan A belong to then?

– Dream world.

- Okay, moving on… What kind of writer are you?

- It would seem that I am a progressive thinker and therefore I write progressive things.

- This means what exactly?

- Have you ever hear of progressive rock (rhetorical question… leading to a self-nod to acquiesce)? I am a progressive writer, which means that my writing is in constant evolution and has this particularity of being weird yet making a lot of sense when the reader lets it.

- Interesting… and how well is progressive rock doing today?

- As opposed to regular classic rock… not so well.

- How much of a shot do you have then on the literary scene with progressive writing do you think?

- More than if I did not try…

- Other writing projects?

- I have but it is too early to even mention them.

- Fair enough… so, tell me more about plan B.

- I have applied to a couple of Universities in order to get a degree in Economics.

- Is it not a wide spread competence in Sweden? Why did you chose that? How long will it take?

- It takes three years, full-time and I chose it because I am good at it. Sweden is always looking for people who have a University degree in Economics, and such studies have known a high demand on the student front… however, this year the demand on that front was not as numerous as it used to be which resulted in the cancellation of one program.

- Okay, but are you going to find work at the term of your education?

- I need to believe that I will.

- How old will you be then?

- I’ll be 40 when I am done with the studies which means that – provided that I get a job right after I got my degree – in order to enjoy a retirement life with my husband, I’ll have to work until I am 80 and live up till 100 years old… piece of cake…

- Isn’t that daunting?

- Not if I can help it…

- What if you find a job before you are done with your studies… what will you do then?

- I say: we’ll see when that happens. Let’s not put the cart before the horse!

- How does your future look like after all that thinking? bright? dark?

- Still foggy, yet strangely bright…

- Good luck then.

- Thank you.

- Don’t be a stranger.

- Wouldn’t dream of it.

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