Toys of a Mastermind

There is something extremely unappealing to the fact that we are not the masters of our lives… that we have no freewill and that good or bad, we all end up as a stack of hash and/or dust at some point.

How cheerful!

Mastermind-ness is an art form that life took away from us just so that it would redistribute it to us, drop by drop. Do you think so?

Indeed, just think about it for a second! Can you not see how smart that is? I mean, what would we do with life if we knew everything about it today? Look at what we do with it knowing so little… most of us waste it like they would garbage.

Life has therefore the control over us and if we were half as clever, we would embrace it.

With all its faults & qualities LIFE is perfection.

Why do we die? So that life will be worth everything.
Why do we live? So that death can be welcome.

Have a great Sunday!

Conspiracy Theory

A couple of days ago I have talked about “important things”… what does really matter to you? Why would you say it is so? How often the importance of “things” is changing?

I have realized that my priorities change quite frequently and although I have not found a distinctive pattern to it yet, I can guess why it has become so. I got wiser of course!

Pfff! I don’t think that, that is it though.

In all genuine seriousness, when I had dreams of – whatever, I would focus on only that and decide which action to take so that my step would face towards these dreams. Simple enough! Very self-conscious too…

Strangely, it has not been so for a while – or is it… strange I mean? Each time I try refocusing so that my feet will be turned to the fixed goal, the goal changes. I do not talk about dreams anymore… would that be an “age” thing? When one gets closer to ones forties one does not wish to jinx any hopes (& dreams) so one talks of goals or projects (as French artist Bénabar does on his latest album).

Ask me what my dreams are and I am pretty sure that I will not be able to answer you, unless my better-half is included in them. I do not have selfish dreams anymore… good, bad, or just unconscious denial? I’ll think about that another time.

Anyway, the thing is that no matter how good I am at setting my priorities straight, I cannot seem to stick to them. It is pretty trying after a while and I start then wondering if there is something wrong with me… but there is nothing wrong with you…

Life has a particularly nasty habit – as I said before – of being extremely messy and it is because of us “humans” that it is so. We are being used people… I am telling you! We do not even know it, nor suspect the reasons behind such manipulation. Well, of course, being a supreme madly intelligent She-writer, I can safely state that it is all about “Conspiracy Theory”.

Life is the mastermind behind itself and there is squat we can do about it.

Psychotic Balance

Did you ever stop and think about your life? Yes… I am indeed asking you this question just to get the flow of my writing going… although it is quite a rhetorical question, it might be useful for you to really answer it if you never have. Huh? What? How weird am I on a scale of 10 to 10?

No, no, I did not misspell the scale!

Anyway, I have a problem that concerns the title of this post… I have no idea how I am going to call it. I suppose that I could agree that everything happens for a reason, since – while writing this – I am still at school – though probably not when YOU are reading it – and therefore I should be studying at the library for one of my Swedish assignments. I don’t feel like it so I write for me thus making sure that I am regaining some psycho-logical or –tic balance.

How fitting a title… I have only come up with it as I have spitted already two paragraphs of madness… sweet and entertaining one, but not quite as aggravated as the Hatter. Do you know that I have talked about him yesterday in “Perfect World”.

No, no, I did not! Hope & Catscious did…

I talk of madness but it really is nonsense that I mean… so why do I not say what I mean? Would that be to fill the blank page of my insanity – a cultivated one should I add…

Anyway, I have stopped and thought thoroughly about my life… what I have concluded is not very conclusive because my mood-swings are frequent… yes, irrelevant too, sometimes, but extremely useful to come to the painfully relieving realization that no one in his/her right mind could efficiently say:

This is my life so far and I am (not) happy with it therefore will (not) go on the way I always have.

Fortunately, I am in my right mind – which really is the wrong one according to normality set by THE others… So, according to my set of references, I am in the right consequently my life takes as many directions as the Hatter (mad indeed!) is spurting nonsenses.

“Happy non-birthday” and for those whose birthday is today: too bad!

Train of thought

Image via Wikipedia

It’s been a while since I visited… it’s been a while since I have shown my virtual face to the world, although nothing about what I share is virtual, but I am straying from my train of thought. Last time I came, it was January 19th and it did not take one month for me to drop the goal of one post a day for 365 days. I could not write even if my life depended on it; or maybe I could if I had a check at the end of each month. Another train of thought lost in the midst of all the others.

This is it: the face of me without a mask… I drop out and drag my feet, especially when I have started to set out for something good. How many of you are self-sabotaging without even realizing it? Don’t raise your hands all together, I won’t be able to count all of you!

The thing is that important things change what they are every day… when it gets too comfortable to do them, it is when they stop seeming important for the time being, leaving their spot for another important thing. Yet another train of thought lost…

You see, I stay away for more than a month and my brain is buzzing with undetermined things to say to you… babble on, laugh and be… but it is still chaos up there though I would not want to have it any other way. I lost it again: this first thing I really wanted to tell you about but did not yet managed to get to…

Yes! My virtual face without a mask that shows that no matter how many plans for the near future (the next few days, hours, minutes, seconds) are no good because I won’t follow through and it is actually okay. I do what I can to keep up with what I set out to do, but that sounds too much like routine, would you not agree? A good friend, Clark, told me that I should avoid any job set in a regular pattern…

I thought then that I disagreed a wee bit because I could picture myself being an accountant with repetitive and boring tasks – I still can see myself as such. This is however a very “easy” job to picture oneself in… a cliché office job. In fact, I could be in such a position because it is not my passion… although, I do not honour mine (passion, I mean… obviously) full-time, it is nonetheless a full-time passion.

Anyway, I felt like coming and giving a sign to my faithful readers; saying that I have not disappeared but that as life is messy, time is short and the will to write after a full day study is not always present in my mind or at the tip of my fingers.